🦋 Is feeling lost the new normal?
In today's issue, I reveal the 3 steps I take when navigating uncertainty (happens weekly). Also, this is the debut of our new interview series, 'The Wake Up Call,' featuring Ryan Weiss.
Hi! Ashley here. My newsletter is for people who want to spend their life working creating. Every week I share personal anecdotes, self-learning tools and practical frameworks to help you build a life you don’t want to retire from.
In this week’s newsletter:
3 steps I take when I’m feeling lost, which include defining the Season of Lost you are in and what Stage (with a new quiz to guide you at the bottom)
Should I start a Slack group for us to support each other’s dreams?
The launch of our new interview series, The Wake Up Call, which brings together creative entrepreneurs and leaders who've navigated their own 'wake up calls' to pivot into careers that are not just successful, but also deeply authentic and aligned with their true selves and the impact they want to have on the world.
Our 1st interview is with my dear friend, and mentor, Ryan Weiss, who went from a career in TV & Film and is now a world-renowned Emotional Intelligence Coach & Spiritual Teacher.
Let’s dive in.
As a young kid, department stores scared me. As soon as I walked into one with my Mom, I felt lost. Every direction looked the same and there never appeared to be an easy way out.
To be honest, I still feel this way.
On every trip, without fail, I would lose sight of her, go into a panic, and scurry to the customer support kiosk in tears. No more than 20 minutes into shopping, she would hear a woman on the store intercom announcing her name to come get me.
Two minutes later my mom arrived, and my fears instantly faded away.
I then clutched to her side like a leech for the rest of the outing, making it impossible for her to finish her errand.
As adults, we don’t have this option. There’s no customer support kiosk for when we’re scared and don’t know our way, or name to call over the intercom. That would be cool though, right?
At some point, along the way of growing up, that role becomes ours and something society expects us to do in the quiet crevices of our minds.
I’ve navigated many seasons of being lost — in my career, health, and relationships — enough times now where I notice there’s a clear cycle of struggle followed by elation the moment it passes.
When it passes, the thought says: “Oh thank God that’s over so I can get back to being human” instead of noticing, and welcoming the reality that the whole process was the act of being human.
I’ve spent a lot of time exploring and understanding the struggle that accompanies feeling lost, and these are two truths I know:
We don’t know how to be ok not being ok. So when we have more questions than answers, we spend more time judging our discomfort than relaxing into the questions we have and trusting that the answers are on their way.
It’s a momentary loss of identity, and because of that a loss of belonging. It’s a lonely process to move away from who you were but not yet be the person you’re becoming. In the process of losing yourself, you will lose people and places too, and with that comes sadness.
We live in a culture that doesn’t allow being lost.
Because we don’t allow ourselves to be lost, we don’t accept it in others either. We’re kind of jerks in that way. We sit on our fake pedestals and quietly judge the people who don’t have it all figured out because deep down we’re not willing to admit we don’t either. 🤫
I’ve spent 15 years working with people in different communities and can confidently say that everyone is lost and you are lying to yourself if you think you’re not, in some way.
Now that the secrets out, what do you do when you’re feeling lost?
Here are the 3 steps I take:
Define your Season of Lost
Identify the Stage of Lost you’re in (with a quiz to help you at the end)
Connect with other people who have or are navigating the same season and stage
Step 1: Define your Season of Lost
The moment you find yourself, your cycle of being lost starts again.
I like to describe these cycles as seasons.
Not all Seasons of Lost are created equal.
We have the macro seasons that are also known as wake-up calls. These are life-altering events that are truly a gift but feel more like a curse in the moment.
Then we have micro seasons, like a washing machine cycle on repeat. Annoying to do, especially when there are many loads, but so happy when it’s done.
So here’s my question to you: What Lost Season are you in?
Go through the exercise of naming your Lost Season. Feel free to have fun with it too.
Here are some of my seasons to get you started: The Repeat Adventures in Single Hood, The Subtle Art of Falling in Love with Myself, Career Soul-Searching Part 1, 2 and 3, Breaking Up with Sugar (for real this time), and Navigating the Dark Waters of Intimacy.
Step 2: Identify the Stage of Lost you’re in
I’ve created a personal practice around identifying the Stage of Lost I am currently navigating during a season. The outcome is reduced anxiety, less judgment, and a way to communicate what I am navigating with those closest to me so they know how to show up.
Here are the 4 distilled stages: Realization, Uncertainty, Experiment, and Rebuild.
Realization:
This is the stage where you become fully aware that you're feeling lost. It's a moment of clarity where the confusion or dissatisfaction you've been experiencing comes into sharp focus. In this moment, ignorance is no longer an option, but if you don’t move on it, it fades away.
Uncertainty:
Following the realization, you enter a phase of uncertainty. You recognize that you're lost but may not yet know how to find your way. This stage is marked by questions about who you are, what you want, and where you should be heading. In this stage you may feel confused, spiraling, like you can’t find the words to share with people. This is the loneliest stage in my opinion.
Experiment:
In this stage, you start to explore new paths and possibilities. It's about trying different things, whether that's new hobbies, hard or soft skills, or lifestyle changes, to see what resonates with you. There are no long-term commitments here, you are a student of life, curious to try new things out and discover what feels good to you.
Rebuild:
After experimenting and learning what feels good, you begin to rebuild your life around your newfound understanding of yourself. This stage is about taking the insights you've gained and using them to create a more fulfilling and authentic life. At this stage you have a vision for your life and you are actively integrating into that new reality. For a micro season this may take a couple weeks, for a macro season it could take a year and then some. This stage is all about patience.
If you feel stuck between Realization → Uncertainty, that’s because of a self-limiting belief (Imposter Syndrome, self-worth, etc.). If you’re at the Experiment or Rebuild phase, it’s all about accountability and taking little steps towards your goals. Having a coach or guide can help you with both. Liminal is here to help and I’d love to meet you to personally match you with the right one, I have 6 spots open over the next few days to talk. Book here.
Step 3: Connect with other people who get it
It’s normal to feel lonely in the process of losing yourself. I treat Lost Seasons as an opportunity to become best friends with my full-time companion — the voice inside my head. That said, hopefully after reading this you realize we’re all going through the same shit and the world needs more heart-centered leaders willing to voice it and create a space for others to as well.
When I started sharing the ways I feel lost with others, I found my closest friends because we were bonding over the truth. A relationship isn’t real unless realities are aligned.
So, the next time someone asks ‘How are you?’, try being honest. Tell them the season you’re in and what stage you’re at. I think you’ll be surprised by the responses you get back.
Hit reply to this email if you’d like to be invited to a Slack community I’m thinking about starting for us to support each other’s dreams daily.
Until next time.
Somewhere between lost & found,
Ashley
P.S. Here is our newest quiz → Discover what Stage of Lost you’re in.
Introducing: The Wake Up Call
As I mentioned above, The Wake Up Call is a series of interviews that brings together creative entrepreneurs and leaders who've navigated their own 'wake up calls' to pivot into careers that are not just successful, but also deeply authentic and aligned with their true selves and the impact they want to have on the world.
001. Waking up with Ryan Weiss
“I was feeling frustrated and stuck in my former career as a TV and film producer for a company I no longer felt aligned with.
For about a year I woke up every morning and said to the Universe,
"What would you have me do? Show me!”
Can you describe the experience (wake-up call) that served as a catalyst for you to change the direction of your life?
I was feeling frustrated and stuck in my former career as a TV/film Producer for a company I no longer felt aligned with. For about a year I woke up every morning and said to the Universe, "What would you have me do? Show me!" As a way to leave the company, I was quietly developing three film projects that I was deeply passionate about and excited by. But, one fateful day, all three projects fell apart within a 30 minute time period.
As upsetting as that was, a very clear part of me knew that this was an answer to a prayer. I took it as a communication that it was time to leap. That day I quit my job and spent the next year focusing full-time on my passions - Spirituality, Mental Health, Emotional Intelligence, Relationships and Meditation. I didn't know what I would do professionally but I knew it would have something to do with these genuine passions. And so, I continued my morning prayer...show me!
About a year later, having spent all my savings, fear was intense but so was my faith. A woman who I knew from my entertainment career asked me to begin coaching her. I resisted but Life made it very clear that I was to say yes. That was the beginning of my Coaching career, 14 years ago. I thank God for those three films falling apart and setting me on my journey toward my purpose.What unknown territory or liminal space are you navigating right now?
I realized at the end of 2023 that I have been supporting artists as my career for over a decade, and while I love it, I forgot that I too am an artist. Currently, I am in the liminal space of knowing there is something new wanting to be created but I don't know what that is just yet. I feel that the way I have been doing my work needs to transform. At times I can feel lost, and then I let myself sit in this in-between and remember that, even though it is uncomfortable, this is where creative possibility lives. It's time for me to reclaim my artistry. One thing I have done to move the ball forward is schedule my first singing lesson this week!
What’s a practice or activity you’re experimenting with right now to reconnect with yourself?
I sit and sit and sit. In the quiet. Not trying to meditate or be anything at all. Just be. No practice or mantra. Just be quiet. As I do so I relax into a deep presence. A swelling feeling of sitting as my Self...not my ego or personality...but my Self.
I have access to this presence in a way I never used to. This is after years of practice. Sitting through the anxiety, the loud voices, the desires to get up and do something.
During the pandemic when anxiety was at an all time high, I created a beautiful, free resource that has helped many people to begin relaxing into their presence called The Sanctuary Challenge. Take a peek. It is a combination of five daily practices with recordings and resources that I have personally used for year.
If you could give your wake-up call a voice, what would they say?
“My sweet, sweet Love. You are exactly what you seek. Stop trying to prove yourself and your worth. You don't need to do anything at all. Stop your search. The searching to become something more or better is actually taking you away from the truth which is that you are already complete and lovable exactly as you are. You need not change a thing. I love you.”
🦋
Follow Ryan on Instagram or learn more about his practice on his website.
Liminal is the step you take after your wake up call. We offer affordable 1:1 coaching with integrated progress tracking tools, to help people discover their purpose, overcome limiting beliefs, and live a life they’re excited to wake up to.