Resolutions don’t work, here’s why ➡️

You're not the problem, resolutions are. Here's an intuitive approach to experience the growth and change that's meant for you, and no one else. Included is a set of questions to get you started...

Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share practical guidance on how to achieve holistic success in all aspects of your life (career, relationships, health).

Here’s a wrap up of a few of my favorites from 2023:

1. 10 unexpected lessons I learned from my career coach

2. How do you want to spend your life?

3. 1 simple way to forgive yourself

In this week’s newsletter, we’ll cover why we fail at New Year’s Resolutions and how to intuitively approach change in a more authentic and rewarding way. Included in this newsletter is a self-guided set of questions with an offer to join a workshop hosted by me on 1.11.24.

If you find this helpful, please share it with your friends and colleagues.

Let’s dive in. 🐇🕳️

Ashley

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Confession: I’m not into resolutions.

Or any fad really that applies pressure to “be better” by doing this ONE thing.

Only to result in making you feel worse when you don’t successfully complete it.

Here’s why: because you were never meant to.

You did it because you thought you should, not because you wanted to.

Reject the 'shoulds' – they are inauthentic paths that only lead to disappointment.

Wants are where it’s at. 🔥

There’s nothing more powerful than knowing what you want, and then making it happen.

But we live in an online culture that has convinced us all that there are good or bad ways of doing things and influencers telling us every day about their superior method to living a happy, healthy, and skinny life.

And the second you fall for that, you’re lost.

That inner voice that’s in you and ready to tell you what’s up goes silent because she’s being ignored.

Wouldn’t you too?

I fell for these hacks for about a decade, only to end up in the same miserable spot each year.

So last year I decided to develop the skill of discernment. A muscle we all need to have in this age of mostly crap, viral information.

I spent the past year developing my ability to listen to my inner voice (guided by wisdom that’s been around for thousands of years, not 10 minutes) instead of expecting someone else to have the key to my happiness.

12 months later and I’ve gone through a complete life makeover, in a good way.

Answering these questions honestly led to an Eat, Pray, Love but for my soul (sadly no across the globe trips taken… yet).

And in this process I noticed a pattern of questions I kept repeatedly asking myself and writing about.

Here are those questions— to help you tune out the noise, and turn up your intuition.

Follow it or make your own, just don’t let anyone convince you to do something that isn’t meant for you.

*Carve out an uninterrupted hour to answer these questions. I recommend meditating, walking or taking a bath before.

** If you prefer to do this in a guided setting, I am offering a group session to go step by step through it on 1.11.24 (January 11) at 4PM PT / 7PM ET on Zoom. It’s $19.

You can BOOK HERE.

*** If you want to do this in Notion, click here to access the free template to duplicate it (in the top right corner).

Now let’s get started 🔥

2023 Overview

We’re going to start with a list writing exercise for you to reflect on the past year.

Set a timer for 5 minutes.

Write down every memory that surfaces for you from the past year in 5 minutes.

It doesn’t matter the order, or the significance of the memory, just anything that comes up for you. If you’re feeling stuck, start with the most recent this month and work your way backwards. You can use holidays, milestones, birthdays or trips to assist you.

Feelings

1. When did you feel most like yourself in the past year? (list 1, or many)

   1. Where were you?

   2. What were you doing?

   3. Who were you with?

   4. What were you wearing?

   5. How did you feel?

2. Close your eyes and ask yourself: What were the feelings I felt most frequently this year?

   1. Pick 2 (or 3 at most):

      Here is a Feelings Wheel for support:

3. Set a timer for 5 minutes and write about when you felt those identified feelings the most as a child, growing up.

Fears

1. What liminal space or unknown territory did you navigate this year?

2. What specific fears did you experience this past year? (below are prompts to get the juices flowing)

   1. I was afraid when….

   2. I felt anxious when…

   3. A limiting belief I had on repeat was….

   4. I got triggered when…

   5. I had this dream I can’t shake about….

3. How did these fears influence your behavior and decisions? Did they lead you to avoid certain experiences or opportunities?

4. What strategies do you have in place to cope when fear arises? (these can be ways you distract yourself to avoid feeling discomfort or habits and rituals you developed to navigate and move through them).

5. What have these fears taught your about yourself? Have they revealed any strengths, weaknesses, or areas for personal growth to be aware of next year?

6. Who are you without your fear? Describe that person.

Flows

1. Where did you put your attention this year?

2. What flowed easily to you this past year? What didn’t? (And how did effort play a role in each?)

3. In what ways did you practice gratitude and appreciation?

4. What obstacles did you overcome? How did you overcome them?

5. How did your relationships impact your life flow this year? Who do you leave feeling energized by? Who do you leave feeling drained by?

2024 Roadmap

1. Instead of asking yourself what you want to happen in 2024, close your eyes and first ask yourself: How do I want to feel in 2024?

   1. Pick 1-3 primary feelings you want to have.

      • Here’s the Feelings Wheel for support again:

2. What do having those feelings look like for you in your day to day life?

   1. Example: I want to feel ease— which looks like being present with my loved ones, having uninterrupted time to get quality work done, being on time and feeling good about my body.

3. When you’re being hard on yourself or things aren’t going as planned, what is a comforting sentence you’d like to offer yourself in those moments?

4. Pick 1 fear or limiting belief you listed in the ‘Fears’ section that you’d like to focus on overcoming in 2024.

5. What is 1 new habit or practice that you want to start doing to move through this fear when it surfaces?

6. Ok now complete this statement: 2024 will be a great year if ______________________? (What has happened?)

*write number 6 on a Post-it note and put it somewhere you see every day. Then open up your calendar and write it down as an event 1 year from today.*

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I hope this journey of self-reflection and inquiry was as useful for you as it has been for me. I used the primary feelings I chose (peace & ease) as a daily breathing exercise and really saw it transform my day to day experience and thus reality (relationships, company, health).

Here’s to a transformative 2024, full of exciting unknowns,

Ashley