Who am I? Who are you? 🤔
On our ever-evolving identity: from what we wear, how we spend our time and energy, who we're in relationships with, the careers we pick, and how we explore our purpose.
I write this week’s newsletter with the belief that everyone reading this is a Seeker. Mainly because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t take the time to read my esoteric ramblings each week if you weren’t. 🙃
I’ve found myself thinking a lot about identity lately, and how ever-evolving it really is. As someone who’s never really fit into a box, or wanted to, identifying as a Seeker has really been the only consistent identity I've had along the way, and something I am committed to and proud of.
The quintessential definition of what it means to be a Seeker is someone who finds themselves asking the question: “who am I?”
Superficially, we ask this question every day when we wake up and pick out our clothes. When we go out into the world saying here I am, this is me. Consciously or unconsciously knowing who and what we’ll attract as a result.
In my early to mid-twenties, I wore baggy, dark clothes mostly. The unconscious message I was putting out there was that I was hoping not to be seen, or to get less unwanted attention. As my spiritual practice developed moving towards my 30s, the dark clothes became light (still baggy). As my company started growing, I attempted to dress like what a “founder” might dress like, which always felt a bit to masculine for me. But, I do love my leather pants. 😉
As we go a layer deeper, exploring this question of “who am I?”, we decide how we want to spend our time and energy — who we decide to be in relationships with, the careers we pick, the thoughts that play out in our heads as we lay down to go to sleep each night.
And, digging even deeper than that, in our moments of complete stillness and connection to Source (the universe, God, inner knowing or whatever you like to call it), we start exploring purpose. Understanding why our soul has (re)incarnated in this lifetime, and figuring out what it is we’re here to do.
For me, it looks like quality time with the people and things that bring me joy every day, feeling a sense of ease and peace as I navigate the ups and downs of this human existence. It is being open and vulnerable with my heart, no matter how many times I experience grief or heartbreak, the number of times I laugh in a day, the spontaneous adventures I take (and convince others to take with me), and the positive impact I’ve had on people’s lives along the way.
I’ve been 35 years old for all of 20 whole days and find myself wondering what other patterns I need to release or learned lessons I can undo that get in the way of truly living a life where I get to be authentically me every day.
While this existential question isn’t necessarily new for me, I think it feels particularly heightened because of all the babies I’ve been hanging out with lately (and watching their caregivers navigate how to guide their development from a baby being to becoming a grown human being).
Last week, I found myself in conversation with one of my mom friends about how she started giving her baby “this or that” choices around 12 months old when it came to her clothing. By 2 years old, her child was adamant she wanted to pick her outfits out all on her own. This coming from the same baby girl who, at 12 months old, handed me a book on feminism when I met her for the first time. 👩🏼🎤
To my surprise, hearing this made me a bit emotional. While I don’t think it’s necessarily the fault of a caregiver, I can imagine moments in a kid’s life where they are told who to be — what to wear, what interests to have, who to be friends with, what grades to get, what success looks like as they get older, etc. And, how we often spend our adult years unlearning these conformed ways of being, to (hopefully) find our own authentic way of being.
In this moment, I fondly look back on high school years as a time I explored many, many identities — the athlete, the performer, the punk rocker, the hippie. I wish I enjoyed those moments a little more, and thank my mom for letting me explore them fully.
In my twenties, I went through what I think most women go through: waking up each day questioning if how I’m dressing, where I’m working, and who I'm dating is because it brings me pleasure and joy, or because as a woman it was what I was taught it should look like (thank you, Disney princess narratives).
Thinking about this reminds me of a boss I had when I was 21 years old. She was 31 at the time, and man did she make everything look so cool and effortless. She found me crying on the steps to the office one day (I forget why) and promised me that as a woman, it starts to get easier when we hit 30. There were many moments throughout my twenties where I’d quietly whisper to myself “just wait until 30.”
In so many ways, she was right. Every year that goes by, I’ve learned how to stop caring about what other people think, which continues to be in direct correlation to the strength of love I have for myself. Today I’ve never felt more like myself than I do right now. I’m pretty sure it only gets better from here. For those of you who are older than me, please confirm.
I realize I’m in the generation, particularly now post-COVID, where non-conformity is becoming the norm. Where success isn’t defined as doing something the way everyone else has (that job, that house, that marriage, that outfit, that car). I see this as a silver lining to what it means to be alive in 2023 with a planet burning, chronic disease sky-rocketing, and mental health declining.
This week in my All Team meeting, I asked the team to share a moment where they felt most like themselves. What were they doing, thinking, wearing, listening to, etc. The answers included time with people they love, time in nature, wearing clothes they felt great in, doing something creative, and learning something new. All seemingly simple pleasures. My hope is that they left the meeting inspired to live more for these moments and less for the ones they think they should be having.
Because the sooner we can authentically answer the question “who am I,” the sooner we get to enjoy being that person, every single day.
Integration
PAST: Think about a moment when you felt completely like yourself. Where were you? What were you doing? What were you wearing? Listening to?
PRESENT: Who in your life do you feel seen by? What is it about them that makes you feel this way?
FUTURE: Lastly, admittedly stealing this one from a recent conversation with someone I feel seen by: A year from now where do you see yourself? How would you like to feel? Who are you with? What are you doing?
Fully myself,
Ashley
CEO + Founder, Liminal
Liminal offers 1:1 coaching in a progress-focused app to help you move through life and career transitions with ease. Schedule your free consultation to be matched with a coach.