Law of attraction is kind of lazy 🥱

Moving from future tripping to trust, how I live radically present.

“The difference between fear and excitement is what you expect the outcome to be.”

This quote is something I’ve silently repeated to myself over the years in any situation where I noticed anxiety starting to creep in.

Anxiety, or what I like to call “future tripping,¹” can only be future-oriented. There’s an equally weighted chance something could go incredibly well or incredibly wrong. It feels like a light switch flickering quickly back and forth.

And again, it’s allllll about the future. We don’t have anxiety about the past, because we already have those answers. But, what we tend to do is take the information from our pasts to inform what we think our future holds. This is where a self-fulfilling prophecy² can easily creep in.

In my own exploration, I’ve noticed most people fall into one of two approaches to mitigate their anxiety:

1. Assume the outcome is going to be bad so that they are prepared for the worst, therefore it hurts less when the bad outcome happens — Self-fulfilling prophecy.

2. Assume the outcome is going to be good because believing in a positive outcome will make it a reality — Law of attraction.

For the past decade I’ve fallen into approach number 2. I like to be in control and tend to be one of those glass half full types. Focusing on positive outcomes comes naturally to me and feels like a magical type of witchery. 🧙‍♀️

From authors like Esther Hicks, Louise Hay, Florence Scovel Shinn and Napoleon Hill, I’ve read all the books on law of attraction. If you comment a book title on this post, I’ve probably read it.

As I approach my 10 year anniversary of ‘magical thinking,’ I acknowledge the hours of (potentially wasted) time I spent predicting potential outcomes. I realize there’s no way I could have ever guessed my life looks the way it does now. But, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Reflecting back on my opening quote, two words no longer resonate with me: expect and outcome.

The root of disappointment is unmet expectations. And, when we obsess over outcomes, by nature, we’re not living in the present moment.

Instead, I’d replace those words with trust. Trusting that if we show up fully now, in integrity, the future will unfold exactly as it should. (There’s more on how I’m using the word integrity below).

I spent the last decade thinking about my future in such a positive and excited way, I didn’t enjoy my present. It’s like you are setting out in a boat to reach a beautiful sunset at the horizon and realize it’s continually still off in the distance — you never actually reach it.

For now, I've adopted a “I don’t know how its always going to work out” mentality and developed a new layer of trust in myself that I am resourceful enough to figure anything out.

Integration

I recently listened to a podcast episode on integrity and found it helpful in keeping myself present. I invite you to reflect on an area in your life where you can apply it this week. If you don’t know Jim Dethmer's four pillars of integrity, here they are:

1. Take radical responsibility. That means full ownership and accountability for your actions, choices, and their consequences without blaming external factors or others.

2. Feel your feelings. Yes, all of them. It takes more energy to repress and suppress emotions than to feel through them.

3. Speak with candor. Speaking candidly brings out your authentic self. Often when you withhold, you withdraw, and then project, which brings disconnect in relationships — whether that be personally or professionally.

4. Be impeccable with your agreements. This includes anything you said you would or wouldn’t do. Example: deciding who’s going to do what by when, and sticking to it. Drama often comes from unclear and unkept agreements.

With candor,

Ashley

1. Future tripping refers to the tendency of individuals to excessively worry or obsess about future events or outcomes. It involves getting caught up in negative or fearful thoughts and scenarios that may or may not happen, leading to anxiety and stress. Future tripping can hinder one's ability to be present and enjoy the present moment.

2. A self-fulfilling prophecy is the process through which an originally false expectation leads to its own confirmation.