🦋 My (American) dream includes happiness
Let’s talk about plant medicine, the failing American Dream, how to assess your current reality, and designing a path to your own personal truth.
The Liminalist is for people who want to spend their lives working creating.
This week I talk about the aha moment I had 9 months ago and how that’s reshaped my values around what a successful, happy life looks like.
Included in this newsletter:
My personal story exploring plant medicine.
Practical guidance on how to create your own American Dream.
An invitation to join our online Slack sanctuary.
Let’s dive in. 🐇🕳️
How do I want to spend my life?
This was the question I asked myself sitting in a cabin in the woods alone last summer, days before going into a 3-day plant medicine ceremony.*
Some of you may remember the entry, though, at that time, I didn't share why I was there and what I was preparing for.
I’d say it was a big decision for me to explore this method of healing, but the opportunity landed in my lap and it was hard to say no to.
I find that things that are meant for you usually come that way— out of nowhere.
Effortless invitations are a sign from the universe that you’re ready.
And when they come, the only obstacle is a younger version of yourself who will do everything in her power to convince you that you're not ready.
Sometimes the obstacle comes from those close to you, who, dealing with their own anxieties, unconsciously impose their fears onto you. That’s called projection.
This happened many times leading up to this weekend, and I can proudly say fear did not win.
I walked into the weekend with one thing on my mind: figuring out how I want to spend my time on this planet. 🌍
At least that's what I planned to tell the ceremony facilitator when I was asked on the first night.
But when we gathered at nightfall, and it was my turn to share, I softly stated “to trust my heart” instead.
In the moment my answer took me by surprise. Where did it come from? I wondered.
Now, 9 months later, I see how my intuitive intention shift was the right seed to plant to allow my answers to grow naturally, and from within me.
The primary message I received that weekend was about happiness.
A voice that told me and showed me that I’m good— I don’t need to keep searching and working so hard on myself. I’ve put in the work and it’s time to play, to connect and create with people who have invested the same energy into themselves. That together we can amplify impact and guide people from old paradigms to new ones.
In the months since this weekend, my definition of success has greatly redefined itself.
As cliché as it is (and therefore painful for me to admit), I see my old version of success bearing a tight resemblance to the American Dream. A dream that promised material prosperity and freedom for all.
The promise included:
Opportunity and equality for all, as long as we work hard and give up enough of ourselves.
Upward social and economic mobility— greater standard of living from our parents.
Homeownership— the ultimate success of “making it.”
Accessible education— if you have $100,000+ that is.
Entrepreneurship and the ability to create your own wealth.
Top-notch healthcare…
And when we invest all of our time and money into the American economy, we will be rewarded (and supposedly happy) when we finally retire. That is assuming we haven’t had a heart attack and still have friends or family left in our lives.
Sounds a lot like a codependent relationship — give me all of yourself, so when you’ve got nothing left, I will take care of you.
Well, many of us have given all of ourselves, but we’re not feeling very taken care of in return. We are a nation that is broke, stressed out, sick, depressed, disconnected, and confused.
The only way out of this described state is by taking a step back, spending time in nature, moving our bodies, eating nourishing foods, and having supportive conversations with people who get it.
But we’re built with the fear that if we step off the hamster wheel, we’ll lose everything. Of course, as I list the description of our nation, it’s hard to imagine what we’re so afraid of losing…
Say what you want about Gen-Zers but I’m rooting for them. They’re the first generation boldly standing up and saying no — they care more about human connection and their emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical wellbeing than the rest of us. The American Dream marketing campaign isn’t working on them and I respect them for that.
In our endless pursuit of material prosperity and the perception of freedom that comes along with it, we’ve given up our self-worth and inner freedom.
At this point, it might come as a shock to you to know that I’m still hopeful though — because with this level of tension, everything breaks. Including the illusion of happiness we’ve been living under. And on the other side of that illusion is personal truth.
Everybody’s path to personal truth is unique.
My path took 20 years, and a lot of trial and error. I’ve explored just about every modality out there until finally, the veil pierced enough for me to listen.
I don’t say this to exhaust you, but to invite you into the experiment of what your path looks like because ultimately it’s up to you to decide.
Also, there’s nothing I love more than to guide people on their path to remembering their wholeness, so consider me an ally in your process. I mean that.
And because it would be rude for me to leave you on this note — here’s a nudge for self-reflection. Keep going!
How to define your own American Dream
These questions are an invitation to honestly assess your current reality.
Look at how you currently spend your time and list out what lights you up and what doesn’t.
Look at what doesn’t light you up and ask yourself: what’s the story I'm telling myself about why it’s important that I do these things every day?
What dream are you currently following that’s not authentically yours?
When do you feel most connected to yourself? Write out specific moments.
How frequently do you feel this way?
Exercise: Set up a time in the next week to drop into this space of connection (number 4) and afterward write down your American Dream. What is the result you see that brings you the most fulfillment? Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing?
There’s one rule — it must start as a blank white canvas and include only the tools you currently have at your disposal. In other words, you don’t need another degree. 😉
Don’t include what you see other people’s lives look like on social media, what your family wants, or what you think will make you happy. Ask yourself what will make YOU happy, close your eyes and listen. Then write.
Inspiration for my newsletters come from everywhere— this one was inspired by a courageous woman who recently posted this in our #ask-for-help channel:
Hi!! i have a question for the group. I have a strong feeling that I need to make more room in my life for something that is important to me and my sanity. I need more music and more dance. As im sure many can relate, as we get older, our responsibilities pile, our community grows, our time become more valuable. I'm having trouble figuring out how to get get "rid" of things. How to trim the fat. I've already cut back dramatically on the time i give to people. I've outsourced the things that I can. But at this point, im still just having trouble making more space for the things I want to create. any suggestions? books? general thoughts?
Click here if you want to apply to join our group. It is an online sanctuary for people who want to spend their lives working creating, together.
From my happy place to yours,
Ashley
*I am not sharing my story of plant medicine to inspire you to do it yourself. I don’t think plant medicine is for everyone, and I strongly believe that it is important to spend many years exploring other modalities like therapy, yoga, and meditation before stepping into this container.
